This post will contain absolutely no pictures. No pictures what so ever. I have a picture, but you will never, ever see it. However, it is burned into my mushy brain forever and ever.
My 4 year old son recently gave me a little reality check in only the way a 4 year old can do.
So, here's the scoop:
The hubs and I are set to attend a "gala" in a few days. This is something that I both loath and look forward to.
#1 it's a night out away from the kiddies in an adult environment,
#2 I don't have to cook dinner,
#3 we stay the night in a hotel so.... staying up late and sleeping in are on the agenda,
#4 I don't have to fix breakfast,
#5 I don't have to clean up from dinner and breakfast,
#6 o yeah - and lots of fun with the hubs and our friends!
I loath the idea of a gala, specifically this one, because I've been encouraged to wear something that is not black! Argh! Black is all I own! I really, really, detest the idea of squeezing my body into a formal dress that is not black. Let's face it, we all look slimmer in black, right? I also waited a bit too long to shop for the dress so as to allow ample time for alterations, matching shoes, jewelry, spanx, etc, etc. Now if I had a personal shopper or wardrobe consultant, this wouldn't seem like such an overwhelming task. But... that's not gonna happen.
So, about a week ago, I started dragging my boy around the mall with me, looking for the "perfect" circus dress. (Did I mention the theme is "CIRCUS"? what?) I'm thinking I could have gotten away with my sequined leotard and matching tutu but the hubs put the brakes on that one.
So... as I said, me & the boy, shopping for circus dresses. I have to be amply armed with all sorts of entertainment for the little guy while in dressing rooms, such as candy, candy, little cars, candy, promise of pizza for lunch, candy, promise of play time at the mall cooty-infested booger smeared playground, candy, and.... playing games on my iPhone. Lots of you are moms, so you get the idea.
My boy loves to play with my iPhone, so I let him while I'm writhing around trying to contort my body into all sorts of creative ways so that I can fit the right body parts into the right holes and straps of whatever dress I'm attempting to squeeze into.
I'm sure it's pretty funny to watch (but I assure you I wasn't in a laughing mood after about the 20th dress) I also made a habit of taking a little picture in the mirror of any dress that was a remote possibility so I could get a "yeh", or "neh", from the peanut gallery (hubs & daughter). The boy caught on to the picture taking activity right away and asked if he could take the picture - so, in an attempt to entertain him, I allowed it -
So....., skip forward a few days....... I was sitting quietly waiting on my kids while they were in an art class here in town. Just hangin' with the other parents and messing around with my phone -you know, checking e-mail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, playing a round of Words with Friends, looking at pictures, etc, etc.
And - WOAH! What the H-E-L-L is that picture I see on my phone??? It's a half naked picture of some woman with a body that looks like it's indulged in waaaaaayyyyyyy to many Dove chocolates, never felt the pain of a sit up, and seriously needs some support for the melons on top! Upon closer inspection, I realize that it's ME!
O my God - yes, my son took a topless picture of me while I had a dress over my head, trying to pry myself out of a garment that was way too tight with no zipper! You've been there, I know - when you put something on, then can't figure out how to get OUT of it? You kinda start sweating a little because you think you might have to have a sales clerk come and cut you out of it? I swear to you that I had no idea he had taken the picture.
I still can't believe it - it was seriously sooooo stinking funny, and soooo embarrassing at the same time! Talk about a reality check! Through the mouths of babes, no - through the eyes of babes come the truth!
I am so glad I'm the one who found the picture! What if someone else had found it??? It is safely deleted, but forever burned into my corneas. New incentive to get back to the gym, get back outside, get back on the yoga mat. I'm just glad my little boy doesn't know the difference!